My Grandfather

My grandfather, Ferrell Scarber, passed away last Thursday. I don’t know why it came as a shock to me. It shouldn’t have. He was 88 (Or as my Uncle puts it 88+), and in a nursing home. He hasn’t been the grandfather that I knew for several years due to  some kind of dementia, but I loved him just the same. He was the constant male role model in my life. My own father, like many other fathers, split when I was young. This left my mom to play to the role of mother and father, and she did. And well. But luckily, I have the most caring family a girl could ask for because I NEVER felt unloved or unwanted.

My Grandfather spoiled me rotten, and taught me numerous valuable life lessons. Some of those I learned from stories, and some of those from tricks he played on my sisters and cousins. He taught how to work hard and the exactly how much that hard work is worth.

I don’t think that my Grandfather ever took a day off in his life. He worked in the grocery industry for over 60 years. He even opened his own grocery store in Fort Worth called Grandys. He joined the Navy (much too young) and fought for his country during WWII. He participated in Iwo Jima on the the USS Deuel shuttling back an forth soldiers aboard higgins boats.


Image Source

He also participated in operations in Okinawa, operation Magic Carpet and was present for the signing of the Empire of Japan to the Allied Forces. After the war was over, he was honorably discharged and sent back to Norman, Oklahoma. You can find his full military record here. He made his way back to Fort Worth where he meet and married my Grandmother, and they were married for over 50 years.

If I live half as full of a life as this man and woman then there will be no complaints here.

My Word for 2015

I have lots of plans for this year, however I can wrap up my major resolution for 2015 with the word balance. I had plenty on my plate for 2014, and for the most part I handled things pretty well. Some things did fall through the cracks though. My plan to lose weight among them.

Eric has taken on more of the financial burden so that I can focus on school. I also plan to use that time to be a better partner to him, and get myself in a better place physically and emotionally.

In 2015, I am going to come to terms that not everything has to be in my control. If I just relax for a moment the world won’t fall apart.

In 2015, Eric and I are going to get healthier. Typical resolution I know, but we need to. We HAVE to get healthy.

In 2015, I want to build more blogging friendship. Do more link ups, go to meetings, and of course blog more often.

This link up is brought to you by the lovely

If you had to narrow down your resolutions to one word… what word would you choose?

[Insert Catchy Review Title Here ]

Linking up with another group here curiosity of A Girl and Merle.
Nicole over at Three 31 has a yearly review that I liked so I thought that I would give it a whirl.

What did you do in 2014 that you’d never done before?
There are several. First, and the most obvious, is I started this blog. I went to my first MEND support group, and I met several other Angel Moms in the past few months that I will consider my friends for life.

Did you keep your new years’ resolutions?
Last year, about this same time, I was not in any kind of shape to make realistic resolutions for the year. I was still just trying to make it to the next day.

Will you make more for next year?
I will make some for this year. I am in a much healthier state of mind than I was at the end of 2013. Look for those resolutions. They are soon to come.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not in 2014. Lots of first birthdays from the Walgreens crew’s babies.

Did anyone close to you die?
Unfortunately yes. A close family friend, Leah, passed suddenly. Ross and Andrew are still in my thoughts as they enter into a new year without her.

What countries did you visit?
Just the good old US of A.

What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2014?
More motivation to lose weight. I know. I know. Typical resolutions B.S.

What date from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory?
May 11th. My first Mother’s Day as a mother of an Angel. It was a bitter sweet day. Celebrating with Hero was amazing, but I could literally feel the emptiness where she should have been. It was heavy.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I would have to say the entire year can be tallied a success. I made it through all the grieving firsts and am still standing. I couldn’t ask for much more than that. Its much more than I expected.

What was your biggest failure?
I think my habit of overcommitting myself led to a lot of things not being done as well as they could have be done.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Until recently no. This past Sunday/Monday I was was pretty sick. Even Eric was worried. I guess you could say that my new diagnosis of intracranial hypertension is an “illness”, but that’s on going and getting treated now. All those headache now have explanation!

What was the best thing you bought?
My footprint necklace I got from Etsy.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
Eric. Hands down. He has been extremely patient and understanding with me this year as I fumbled around triping to find my place in my “new normal”.
Hero. First year in Kindergarten and he’s already mastered most of the concepts they’ve thrown at him. Except following directions and listening. But hey, he’s six and he IS his father’s son.

Where did most of your money go?
Jeez. This is an easy one. Besides bills. Hero.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I was really excited about Christmas this year. I wanted to to be magical for Hero.

Compared to this time last year, are you:

Happier or sadder?
Happier. It’s a different kind of happy. I’m content. I’m more at peace. I can live with that for now.

Thinner or fatter?
Honestly about the same. I suck.

Richer or poorer?
Richer in so many ways.

What do you wish you’d done more of?
Networking. I can’t wait to meet more people via this blog.
Reading. In 2015, I will make this more of a priority.

What do you wish you’d done less of?
Facebooking. What a serious time waster.

How will you be spending Christmas?
I was able to talk Eric out of an impromptu New York trip this year, but I think that next Christmas that might be in our future. Maybe. Who knows. We aren’t much for planning.

Did you fall in love in 2014?
I fell more in love with Eric this year. I have tooted his horn too much this post already so I’ll leave it at that.

How many one-night stands?
Um. Too many to count. —- Not.

Who were your best friends?
Kayla, Casey, Stormy, Eric, Dorothy, Krista and last but not least my beautiful mother.

What thing did you do that was meaningful to others?
I, along with two other local angel moms, hosted a Remembrance Walk in October. It was a Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Walk. It was a pretty good success.

What were your favorite TV programs?
Let me start this with an admission of guilt. I know I watch too much TV. The Tonight Show, Grey’s Anatomy, Scorpion, Big Bang Theory, Big Brother, Survivor, Amazing Race, and SOA. I’ll stop there.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I do. Its a strong word, and I don’t like using it. But Yes.

What did you want and get?
I got an iPhone 6. It was a much needed upgrade from my cracked iPhone 4s.

What did you want but did NOT get?
More time. Seems like this year went by really really fast. I can’t believe that as much as I tried to savior this year it STILL slipped away.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Eric took me to Fort Davis for a Star Party. The weather was bad when we got there, so we didn’t actually get to see any real stars. We did get to do a virtual tour of the sky that we would have seen. It was really cool. I was happy. I learned a lot. We had fun together on the road trip there. I turned 26

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
This one should be obvious by now. 🙂

What kept you sane?
Hero. I focused so much on Hero this year that I almost drove myself insane. Wait? Is that what you asked?

Who do you miss?
Every. Single. Day.

Who are the best new persons you met this year?
My Mend and angel moms. I can’t believe the amount of support that I have received from these ladies.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014.
I learned a lot about grief this year, but that’s another post for another time.

Quote that sums up your year:
I love this photo by Carly Marie and quote by Sarah Wells. They are fantastic.

What were your favorite moments this year?


Molly Bear

Now starts the long grueling wait for a Molly Bear. It’s been almost 15 months since we lost Scarlett and I have wavered whether or not to get a Molly Bear. This month I decided as a birthday present to myself I would. They only open the wait list up for 1 day (on the 30th) and only take the 200 entries. So I set my alarm and waited for 10 EST.
For those not familiar with Molly Bears, they are a non profit organization that makes teddy bears that weigh the same amount as your baby. The current wait time is about 4 months, but I’ve read that it has taken some moms as long as 15 months to receive their bear.


Ready or Not

Ready or not Christmas is coming. I have my tree up (for a couple weeks now), and I do believe I have all my shopping done. No last minute gift buying for me! We have been to a couple different Christmas activities so far this month.
Hero and I added a few new ornaments to our tree to honor Scarlett this year. And we made a cute little robot ornament to add for Hero. I’m pretty happy with our tree!

Hero’s visit to Santa was fun. He was very excited to tell Santa what he wanted for Christmas. As excited as he was to see the big guy in red, I think that he was just as excited about the reindeer hat that he got afterwards. Stinker.

We had Eric’s family Christmas (without Eric) I was responsible for bringing a couple Chinese Christmas presents. Every year, I always try to have my presents picked first based on appearance. They are either beautifully wrapped or very interesting. This year I opted for interested. I wasn’t picked first, but they were still talked about a good part of the night.

My final update for the night will end with my favorite. Hero’s class gingerbread building party. What a mess! We had icing everywhere. It was so much fun though.

November Updates

Hero had an exciting pie feast for Thanksgiving at school. We had apple, pecan, pumpkin, and cherry. I do believe that pecan that was both of us. It had the perfect pecan to goop ratio. Yum.
I also had to honor of having birthday lunch with Hero. He picked Taco Bell. Blech.

On the day of Hero’s ACTUAL birthday, per his request I put streamers across his door so he could give them a good ninja chop! He was so sleepy though it just turned out to be a silent but deadly… slow motion chop.
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Later in November, we had to rare opportunity to go to WWE for Hero’s birthday…
Let me tell you something. That is a who different type of people who go to those events. There are some interesting folks there. And it was the most FAKE thing I have ever seen. Wow. Just wow. Regardless of all that, Hero still had a lot of fun… for about as long as he does at anything else. 20 minutes. Then he was ready to go. And that’s ok.

So tell me. How was your Thanksgiving? Have you ever watched or been to a WWE “performance”?

See ya tomorrow!

What a Crazy World

Wow. Ok. Things got a little insane for a month or so… (hazards of being a busy mom I suppose)
So here is the scoop. Halloween was awesome. We had a friend come up to go trick or treating with us and we rode around the city on a hay ride. Hero dressed as Bumblebee, and his girlfriend (Hailey) was Hello Kitty.

Next, we signed up a few months ago for a service called Little Passports. They start off by sending you a tiny suitcase, passport and map. Then each month they send you a information package from a new exciting country. Hero loves it. IMG_1576 2

Then, since the loss of Scarlett, I have been kind of obsessed with these tiny clay babies that I found on Facebook. I finally broke down and asked for them for Christmas, and then ordered a few extras myself. I CANNOT wait for them to get here. Here is a sample of a couple of the ones that should be arriving in a month or so…

Totally sweet. I know.

The next exciting item up for review is our bad dog moment… Molly, our newest rescue, has a tiny touch of separation anxiety when I leave. It took her 30 minutes or less to eat the side of our foot rest. This prompted Eric to go buy a industrial sized crate for her so that our house can stay in one piece.

As we move into November, lets cover Hero’s birthday party. This honestly deserves its own post. For about 6 months I had been telling Hero that after you turn 5 that there are no more “parties”. I wanted to give him a surprise party while he was still young enough that I might be able to pull it off. Let me tell you this is not easy. Hero is a very intelligent and started asking all his friends if they had parties when they turned six. So needless to say, he was mad at me for months. We had his party at a rehab center in town that has an indoor swimming pool. You would think that that would mean that regardless of the weather that we would be able to swim and have an awesome party. No. Our town is in a drought. Stage 5 which is about as bad as it gets. On the day of his party we have the biggest storm I’ve seen all year. According to the center’s rule you can’t swim for 30 minutes after lightning is sighted. I was pretty sure the party was going to be an epic failure… Seriously who has a pool party where all you can do it stare at the pool. It was super. We finally got to swim the last 30 minutes of the party when most of the guests had left. Such is life. We still had fun and he was still surprised. Here are some of the pictures taken by Marla Johnson (Yaya).

Well folks… I think that is enough for tonight. I’ll fill you in more tomorrow.


So , everyday I get a quote in an email from the Thoughtful Mind. Today’s quote was about diversity.
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I am lucky to have a family that always taught me to be accepting of everyone’s looks and lifestyles.
Children are not born with the hatred of others. It is a learned behavior. I have no intention of Hero ever learning that behavior.